We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Randomize
