I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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