and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
