My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
