Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
