I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Little spoons don't ask big questions
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
