Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
