just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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