Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
