We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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