So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I just cut my nipple shaving
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
