just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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