i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Randomize
