That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
My liver just had a heart attack.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Randomize
