He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
