Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
We have so much sex to catch up on
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
