In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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