What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
