Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
