If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize