I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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