Ambien. No doubt about it.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize