the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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