i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
