I queefed so loud it echoed.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
