Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
