And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
