I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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