quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
