why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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