what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
