Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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