Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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