Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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