dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
you didnt know i had herpes?
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
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