One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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