at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
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