the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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