Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
