I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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