you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
