He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Randomize
