My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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