before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.â€
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