y did u give ur computer a hand job?
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize