things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
