Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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