oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Randomize
