Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
