the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
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