I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Randomize
