I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
