I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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