sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
