He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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