I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
