it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i already hear my dad disowning me
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
