the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
