Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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