I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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