I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
