I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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