I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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