All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Randomize
