Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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