I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Randomize
