somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
