I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize