I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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