I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
