lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
