you have to choose: penises or morals?
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Randomize
