Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
