She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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