i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
